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Why I Meditate - Lucy

1. When & where did you begin to meditate?

I started trying to meditate on my own, reading bits about it online and trying to empty my mind. When my mind was busy, I closed in on myself and didn’t know how to expand again.

As a child I was always easily distracted, and as an adult I had a tendency to avoid things. This came to a head with the breakup of a relationship and coming back after living abroad for 10 years. I was looking for freelance work and needed to stop avoiding things. So, I tried meditation.

I kept walking past the School of Meditation, telling myself to try. I went to a free drop-in session and that was it. I felt at home, at peace. I liked the fact that the people I met had been meditating for a long time.

 

2. Why did you take up a regular practice? What was the spark?

I work in the news industry and I care about the world but I had lost the ability to read opinions I didn’t agree with. I used to be able to listen to other views, but I’d lost it. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. The need to be right and getting a charge or thrill from it, is over and above caring about the world. I really didn’t like it.

By the time I went to the drop-in session, meditation was a need, not just something I wanted to try. I joined the School immediately, without doing a course. It was July and sunny the day I joined, and straight from my ceremony I went to Holland Park and had a feeling I hadn’t had since childhood.

 

3. What were your early experiences?

I joined a weekly meditation group that September. Covid arrived after just two terms and I wasn’t keen on online groups, so my attendance dropped off a bit. I carried on meditating though. I used the day retreats as a re-immersion and decided to re-join a group.

Initially, I had just wanted to learn how to meditate, I didn’t expect to be interested in the spiritual aspects of the teaching, but they really spoke to me. One Self, the mind splitting, stilling the mind…

At first, I wanted an empty mind, but now I think about unity, there’s a fullness. Meditating is unifying.

The School’s philosophy speaks to me. It works well with creativity and pervades all areas of life.

The habit of being in the present moment was always going to take a while, but that capacity has grown and grown. The experience of stillness – knowing it is there – is life-changing.

Learning to let go is something I’m getting better at – the ego fights like a caged tiger at first.

I had a very exciting early experience; I tried to grasp it, and lost it, but then I let it grow again.

 

4. How does meditating affect your everyday life?

I’ve gone from fleeing confrontation to now being able to respond rather than react.

Learning to meditate is one of the best things I’ve ever done. I now look forward to the future more. We’re educated to think we’re in perpetual decline, but meditation helps you realise that life is a journey.

In work and relationship situations, fearful responses have been replaced by something calm and distilled. I’m more able to watch my thoughts and see what they’re doing. I know myself more. Thoughts can be like a train wanting to go off into the sidings, but I can now say ‘no, this is what I want to do.’

I notice physical sensations more and see that they might come from something mental, there’s great freedom and happiness in this.

The actual practice of meditation is deeply enjoyable and sometimes blissful. You shed all the tensions of the day and your ideas about yourself. It’s a deeply relaxing, restful and bright place to be.

It worked when it came to news and current events. The stories I care about have worsened, but I now look at what I can do. People at work now ask me how I manage to stay calm. I keep my ego out of it and I’m more likely to take action than before. The decision comes from my heart, from a more balanced place, more considered. The meditation practice makes you feel more open-hearted.

I definitely feel more myself – I don’t dread time any more. I don’t get the holiday blues so much. Each day is another day, with a chance to experience joy. Even if it’s joy of just being present, I’m more able to experience it.

 

5. What has been your experience as a member of the School of Meditation?

I love being in a group and miss it as little as possible. In the group we talk about life, meditation, spirituality…

Coming together for those conversations is amazing. I always feel recharged and replenished. I’ve been introduced to a lot of reading and thinking I wouldn’t have experienced.

I also like the little exercises we get as suggestions – to really look and listen, to pause for short periods throughout the day. These are small things but they are radical.

I’ve done some volunteering; I love the sense of community, it’s a very nice sociable thing. And compared to meditating alone, doing it in a group is transformative; it’s always my most peaceful meditation of the week.